A question I want everyone honest opinion on

**alohaex** · 03-20-2012, 05:04 AM

Now here is the situation. I am a leader of a group of 18 people and have been good friends with three people for a long time now. Now one of them went away and I was fine with that since she really didn't do much of what me and the others did I could still do things with my other two good friends and the group. Now a while ago my remaining two good friends decided to go away to be in a different place and me staying were I am now would not be able to hang with them anymore or to do the things we usually do. So I decided to go and visit the two in the new place they went to for a short while I made this decision 2 days after they left and I did plan to leave someone in charge of the group and to go back to the group in two months when I was able to return again. Now upon saying that I was gonna go do this I started getting called selfish and uncaring toward the group that I was leading. Now I ask was this selfish of me to want to go visit my friends or what?

---------- Post added 03-20-2012 at 01:04 AM ---------- Previous post was 03-19-2012 at 11:47 PM ----------

Forgot to note that I knew and became good friends with my friends before I was made leader of the group

**Kugyince** · 03-20-2012, 07:18 AM

Group comes before your own personal desires.

**Tails** · 03-20-2012, 07:21 AM

friends > leading something.

As long as the said friends aren't doing anything bad.

**joz** · 03-20-2012, 07:23 AM

What kind of a group is this? Is it that important that it would bug people enough to call you selfish?

**Kugyince** · 03-20-2012, 10:08 AM

Sounds like a guild or clan.

Anyways, a better example: I have to put the needs of RU over my friendships with any members/mods when considering staff affairs.

Another example: I have to put the needs of my family above my own personal needs.

If you want to lead you simply can not place your needs above the needs of those that depend on you.

**Tails** · 03-20-2012, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tenser

Sounds like a guild or clan.

Anyways, a better example: I have to put the needs of RU over my friendships with any members/mods when considering staff affairs.

Another example: I have to put the needs of my family above my own personal needs.

If you want to lead you simply can not place your needs above the needs of those that depend on you.

While that makes sense, isn't that what a second in command is for?

Way I see it they need to understand if he needs to do something have a back up.

**Incubator** · 03-20-2012, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tails

While that makes sense, isn't that what a second in command is for?

Way I see it they need to understand if he needs to do something have a back up.

well, yeah but putting the pressure on one man for 2 months, is a little long for that.
That backup person is for short times only...

**joz** · 03-20-2012, 12:22 PM

Isn't a vice suppose to be able to handle the top spot should the need arise?

**Tails** · 03-20-2012, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jozman3000

Isn't a vice suppose to be able to handle the top spot should the need arise?

In all the clans I've been in the whole group worked as a team or back up plans were made. Clan went well too.

**joz** · 03-20-2012, 01:03 PM

...what do clans do? I've never heard of people being in clans that wasn't in a movie.

**Kugyince** · 03-20-2012, 01:28 PM

Clans or guilds are online gaming groups.

This is the one I belong to: Hunter Nexus - Kiith-Sa Hunter (MHX)

**Dudebro** · 03-20-2012, 02:18 PM

I think it's important to keep this in perspective. You're talking about leading a clan on a free to play game right? If you wanna leave to be with friends you enjoy spending time with then I don't see the problem as long as you're honest about it. You're playing the game for fun right? If no one else can handle being a leader then the group is weak anyways.

When I played FFXI I was in the same clan for years. We had a good leader but after a year or two he became inactive for the most part. Myself and a couple other people stepped up and took over in his absence. I saw plenty of other groups fall apart when their leader left for whatever reasons, they weren't a strong group. It happens. If someone is giving you a hard time over it then oh well they need to grow up.

Now obviously Tensers example is a more serious group so different rules apply.

**Tails** · 03-20-2012, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dudebro

I think it's important to keep this in perspective. You're talking about leading a clan on a free to play game right? If you wanna leave to be with friends you enjoy spending time with then I don't see the problem as long as you're honest about it. You're playing the game for fun right? If no one else can handle being a leader then the group is weak anyways.

When I played FFXI I was in the same clan for years. We had a good leader but after a year or two he became inactive for the most part. Myself and a couple other people stepped up and took over in his absence. I saw plenty of other groups fall apart when their leader left for whatever reasons, they weren't a strong group. It happens. If someone is giving you a hard time over it then oh well they need to grow up.

Now obviously Tensers example is a more serious group so different rules apply.

exactly my experiences with groups is like ffx.

Infact after I went active in one group and convinced the old leader to pick new ones so he could retire.. it thrived again. It was very recent as well, I went inactive because I found RU.

Just depends whose in it really, why I was in said groups here because of close friends who I liked to hang out with and still talk a lot to via pm.

**jim5cents** · 03-20-2012, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Group comes before your own personal desires.

You are indeed the poster child for Socialism.

If you are fact talking about some gaming guild or clan, then forget that junk about being responsible to that before your "real" life. Because games are serious business. If someone in said guild is going to hurl the first stone and call you selfish because you want to take a break, then really think about who is really being selfish in that situation. The person that wants to go see their friends, or the person that won't be able to go questing in a fantasy world.

**alohaex** · 03-20-2012, 03:53 PM

Yes this is a guild on DWO and yes I did have a second in command and I did leave her in charge but as soon as I left she started destroying the guild so I came back.

**Demon-Mask** · 03-20-2012, 04:02 PM

Here's my thinking.
Real life comes before online life.
Group becomes before individual.
Groups in the online life come after individuals in real life.

**Kugyince** · 03-21-2012, 02:53 AM

Some are making the assumption that his friends are "real" life.

**alohaex** · 03-21-2012, 06:03 AM

Thanks everyone for your help but things came to a head today and all has been solved (not to my liking mind you) but its over. Thank you all for your time and input and sorry I bugged you with this I just need a third party opinion

**DrunkN** · 03-21-2012, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tenser

Some are making the assumption that his friends are "real" life.

I agree that "real life" is a stupid term, but I put forth that the opposing argument is better said: "Tangible friends typically have better potential to fulfill your own needs, and may be in good standing for a longer period of time.". This argument is one that I am loath to believe you'd deny.

Also, I'm sure that the group would have pulled through two months under some plan. I assume this is what Alohaex is going with.

**alohaex** · 03-23-2012, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drunkninja

Also, I'm sure that the group would have pulled through two months under some plan. I assume this is what Alohaex is going with.

Yes there was a plan in place just the person who I left in charge started doing some wrong moves so I was forced to retake over.

**Demon-Mask** · 03-23-2012, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drunkninja

Tangible friends

That's what I meant by "real life", I couldn't think of any other way of phrasing the friends you don't only know from online and who you meet with in person/face to face.