Quote:
Originally Posted by Kong
I spent a lot of time when I was a teenager thinking about suicide. I hope everyone here realizes if they ever need someone to talk to there are several people here that they could send a private message to and ask for help.
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I think this is very important. A lot of people have suicidal thoughts at some point in their life, and they need to let people know.
This whole situation is terrible and I feel sorry for Nikegirl's friends and family. Her goodbye message made me worry that she might be a suicide risk, and though I didn't know her at all I thought maybe I should send her a message, but it's too late now. I'll regret that forever.
I'm not an expert or anything, but here's a bit of my story which might help provide a bit of insight. Some years ago I started to develop some health problems - including heart palpitations (which turned out to be atrial fibrillation), and intense feelings of stress. I thought I had insurmountable problems in my life (which in hindsight I just didn't) and I felt like I was dying. I remember every day I was thinking about suicide. I was angry and frustrated all the time, and smashed a bunch of stuff around the house. This was totally unlike me, as I was previously a laid back non-violent pacifist type. One night I had these intense gut pains and said to my wife I needed to go to hospital, but (for other reasons) she just went to bed. So I didn't go to hospital and laid down, wondering if I would wake up. LUCKILY that's about the closest I got to hurting myself or anyone else. I told my wife I wanted to die but she didn't know how to handle that. (The gut pains I think were a gallbladder attack, I get my gallbladder taken out later this month.)
At some stage I went to a "suicide prevention course" at work. In an anon survey MOST people said they had had suicidal thoughts at some point in their life, but I was the only person who had in the last week. If anyone is thinking about suicide, you are not at all alone.
About 2 years ago I was feeling short of breath with my heart racing, so I went to emergency, got oxygen, x-rayed etc. Couple weeks later a cardiologist figured it out - I have Graves Disease. Meaning my thyroid pumps out extra hormones, causing the AF, sweating, weight loss, feelings of doom etc. When I took my first beta-blocker tablet I soon had this incredible feeling of peace which had been absent for several years. It was amazing to experience my personality changed in an hour by one tablet.
It took me at least another year to realise how sick I had been, and how badly I had been out-of-my-mind. In hindsight it's been shocking to see how these thyroid hormones changed my thinking SO radically. My thyroid seems to have stabilised now, but for the last 6 months I have been taking tablet for depression/anxiety (don't know if it's just me or if it's a hangover form Graves Disease which apparently often happens). These days I'm feeling good.
Sorry about the wall of text, but looking back I think that if I had killed myself my friends and family would have been left totally wondering, when the only problem was really an undiagnosed medical problem. I'm quite introverted and didn't reach out to others when I should have. I didn't know Nikegirl but she may have been in a sense happy with life, with big problems that weren't really there, with depression that sadly wasn't addressed in time?
If you've read this, thanks for taking the time to do so. If you're thinking about hurting yourself please let someone know.
Sorry to hear about Nikegirl, my condolences to her family and friends.