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-   -   Church of Captain Falcon (http://www.retrouprising.com/showthread.php?t=9089)

samejamesbond 04-01-2010 02:08 PM
Church of Captain Falcon
 
A recient and rapidly growing cult over the past years has become the "Church of
Captain Falcon". They preach that if they follow the ways of the Falcon Punch,
Kick, and Yes, one will become enlightened, and acheive eternal peace.

The cult even goes as far to label Captain Falcon as their savior:
( Click to show/hide )


Outside one of the Church of Captain Falcon's House of Worship:
( Click to show/hide )


This raises the question, is worship of a fictional character wrong?

Although it's relatively unknown who was the single individual person who
conceived this cult, it isn't the first cult to worship video games. The first was
established in late 2005, called the Church of Tetris, which claimed "all people
should recieve the glory of Tetris" and all against them will be "crushed in a rain of
blocks from on high!"

Official Website:
Church of Tetris

Currently, of all video game cults, the Church of Captain Falcon is the fastest
growing mainly because of its simple guide lines and because the texts are often based off of Christianity.

Take for example the cults Ten Commandments:

( Click to show/hide )

1. Thou shalt not attack thy opponent without asking them to show you their
moves, or to COME ON!

2. Thou shalt not attack a taunt spammer, for they are the chosen people of the
Captain, and are afforded his sacred protection. Do not harm them, lest you anger
Captain Falcon.

3. Thou shalt not bemoan the Captain's tier standing, and blame him for a loss. It
was not Captain Falcon who was too weak, it was thou.

4. Thou shalt always spam "SHOW ME YA MOVES" whenever the crowd
chants for the Captain, as a sign of acknowledgement to all of his loyal fans. Thou
shalt also spam this taunt if the camera is zoomed in on the Captain from a Tingle
Assist Trophy.

5. Thou shalt let any Kirby who wishes to inhale and copy the Falcon Punch do as
he pleases. However, if thou is attacked by this Kirby, Captain Falcon's swift
judgment must be delivered to him, as he has broken the sacred bond of Master
and Pupil, and shall pay for his foolishness.

6. Thou shalt not land a Falcon Punch or Knee of Justice without immediately
asking thy opponent to show you their moves, unless thou has a chance to perform
a Sacred Combo, in which case the taunt must be performed as soon as thou hast
finished.

7. Thou shalt respect thy father, Ganondorf, as thou would respect a fellow
Captain Falcon.

8. Thou shalt not allow a spammer to not show the Captain their moves if he has
asked them to. If the spammer insists on using the same move, thy fury must be
delivered swiftly and with good aim to the spammer until they agree to show the
Captain the rest of their moves, or are killed.

9. Thou shalt use the Falcon system of measurement.

10. Thou shalt lead children along the path of the Falcon by showing them thy
moves as capably as thou can, and leading them to believe that using Captain
Falcon is the way to victory.


They also have changed several gospel songs (an altered How Great is God):

How great are your moves, show to me
How great are your moves, for Him to see
How great, how great are your moves

Personally, although I find Captain Falcon one of the most awesome things to
grace this planet, I think it's absurd to worship something that doesn't exist.

Reciently, a parody website named Halolz has jumped on this craze and created
several texts from scriptures in the Bible of Captain Falcon from the actual
Christian Bible:

( Click to show/hide )



Many groups have panned this cult for such a ludicrous idol to worship, such as
Brawl in the Family, a popular SSBB webcomic which created a series in parady
of the cult:

( Click to show/hide )



What do you think?

jim5cents 04-01-2010 02:10 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
lame, but it isn't the first time some fanatic was speaking gibberish about some false icon....preach on i suppose.

samejamesbond 04-01-2010 07:38 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Here's one of the cults performing prayers:

Church of Captain Falcon

Dudebro 04-02-2010 01:32 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
I voted no. The rest of this topic is a facepalm.

StarfoxFan2009 04-02-2010 01:42 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
This pretty much this thread up
http://www.halolz.com/wp-content/upl...onfacepalm.jpg

Dudebro 04-02-2010 01:46 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Perfect, +1

Winnebagel 04-02-2010 07:22 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
I still believe the Church of Dudebro is superior.

Tails 04-02-2010 07:33 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim5cents (Post 116634)
lame, but it isn't the first time some fanatic was speaking gibberish about some false icon....preach on i suppose.
+1

Winnebagel 04-02-2010 07:58 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
To answer the original question posed in the poll, I think it is only okay to worship a fictional character if the character is the Lord James T Kirk. To worship other characters would be blasphemous (except for James Bond which might be forgivable or Captain Picard which is totally understandable).

Video game characters really shouldn't be worshipped (unless its Johnny Cage or Ken Masters). Amen!

jim5cents 04-02-2010 10:46 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Video game characters really shouldn't be worshipped (unless its Johnny Cage or Ken Masters). Amen!
what? no pitfall harry? no ryu hayabusa? no duke nukem?

samejamesbond 04-02-2010 10:49 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
I got some important news for you guys:
( Click to show/hide )
April Fools! The cult doesn't exist.

jim5cents 04-02-2010 10:55 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
April Fools! The cult doesn't exist.
wrong.

Captain Falcon: The Only Fansite- Videos, Biography & Downloads

Winnebagel 04-02-2010 10:57 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jim5cents (Post 116890)
what? no pitfall harry? no ryu hayabusa? no duke nukem?
Okay, I forgot to mention Ryu Hayabusa. He is totally cool, and the Dragon Sword rocks, so that's okay too.

Duke Nukem wouldn't want to be worshipped. It would be too time consuming and would take him away from ladies and killin' (and lady killin'), so I wouldn't worship him out of respect to Duke.

Pitfall Harry, he's cool, but gators devour him so easily, I would be more inclined to worship them than him.

samejamesbond 04-02-2010 10:58 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
That doesn't look like a cult to me.
@Winnelbagel: I'd totally agree on the Ken Masters cult.

What about Dante from Devil May Cry?
or Bayonetta, or Kratos.

Dudebro 04-02-2010 08:38 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by samejamesbond (Post 116899)
What about Dante from Devil May Cry?
or Bayonetta
No offense but why would anyone worship an overhyped metro sexual vampire/demon/whatever the hell he is or an absurd, overly sexualized girl from a retarded game?

At least Kratos is a badass who literally kills gods.

Winnebagel 04-02-2010 09:58 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by samejamesbond (Post 116899)
@Winnelbagel: I'd totally agree on the Ken Masters cult.
Yeah, Ken rocks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by samejamesbond
What about Dante from Devil May Cry?
or Bayonetta, or Kratos.
Dante: I don't know enough about him. Those games are on my short list of games to play, but I haven't played them yet.

Bayonetta: She looks little goofy. She does have certain aspects worthy of worship, but I don't know...

Kratos: He actually is a god, but he wouldn't be so good to his followers. It might not be worth it.

DrunkN 04-02-2010 10:43 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Am I the only guy who voted "YES!"?

Winnebagel 04-02-2010 10:44 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by drunkninja (Post 117014)
Am I the only guy who voted "YES!"?
I didn't vote at all because Captain Kirk wasn't one of the choices.

Dudebro 04-02-2010 10:48 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by drunkninja (Post 117014)
Am I the only guy who voted "YES!"?
Are you unable to read the results of the poll? Give yourself a facepalm and call me in the morning.

GaMeR_mAn_1 04-03-2010 07:51 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
There is always going to be someone worshipping something fictional. At least with the established religions that people follow, its as far as we know not fictional.
I mean it was scientifically and chronologically proven That Jesus did exist. I wont go into religious beliefs of my own one way or another, but fanatics are everywhere no matter what we are talking about. There will be a cult worshipping this comet or that tree or something or other whether it be a "made up" charector or not.
I guess my point is, is that everyone needs something to believe in, just dont try and get me to.

Kong 04-03-2010 10:37 AM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GaMeR_mAn_1 (Post 117134)
it was scientifically and chronologically proven That Jesus did exist.
Source? He COULD have existed but there is no conclusive evidence the he did.

GaMeR_mAn_1 04-03-2010 12:10 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Well I'm not sure where I got my Information, I believe it was the history channel. But I was sure that it was a known fact that he did at least exist as a man. The more I think about it i do believe it was the history channel. But yeah proven that he did exist, but not wheter or not he was divine. I mean I knopw they have the shroud of (T-word) in exhibit. I mean I would have to do some research for you to find out exactly where it was that I gotr that.
But that isnt even what matters, I'm just sayin that even If i dont think its right to worship a fictional charecter, that everyone needs something to hold onto to get them through their day. Even if its that you dont beleive in any divinity, well then most people strongly hold onto that. That there isnt anything out htere ya know.

Demon-Mask 04-03-2010 05:44 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
People worship fictional beings all the time. How about the much beloved invisible man in the sky?

samejamesbond 04-03-2010 05:53 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
How is an April Fools day joke becoming a serious debate?

Demon-Mask 04-03-2010 05:54 PM
Re: Church of Captain Falcon
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by samejamesbond (Post 117199)
How is an April Fools day joke becoming a serious debate?
I did not know it was a joke, I wasn't around for the last week and totally spaced on April Fool's Day.


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